Assalamualaikum wr. wb.
Growing up is tough.
It is, don't you think?
Just recently I realized how tough it actually is to be an adult. Back in the days when I was younger, everything seemed to be very clear. I knew exactly what I needed to do next after certain phases of life, I knew what kind of accomplishments I needed to make, and I had enough courage to depict myself in the future. It felt like every single thing had already been set, the path for me is straight, and all I needed to do is trying to never get myself off the road. The target is lucid and seemed to be rather explicit.
But now, everything gets a little blurry. I feel like I'm getting lost, getting off the road. Or more precisely, I might not even know which way I am currently heading, nor which trail I actually need to take. I now able to feel how ambiguous and unclear this life really is. Success and many other things that I interpreted when I was younger seems to be rather ambiguous. I have no idea about the exact definition of it, let alone how to get there.
I've got principles and values that I hold dear, of course. But as I use more of my brain which demands reasons behind everything, I start questioning things, as well as beginning to rethink the targets I set for myself when I was so naive. Oh my, why do adult tend to overthink things? Haha. It also seems like I'm producing more negative thoughts than positive ones nowadays. And I feel like I really miss my overly-optimistic side. To me, the world now seems to have unlimited possibilities, with the nice and terrible ones distributed almost equally. That makes it very hard for me to make decisions. Well yeah, maybe that's why people say that growing up is not about age, but about the choices you've made.
However, I can't get stuck here. I need to try untangle all these messy thoughts, somehow. Well, the first step I need to take is probably to get a hold of myself, by holding on to the rope of Allah. I might be lost now because I haven't been that close to Him these days. Secondly, I might need some time to think about things I need to accomplish in life, and it probably would turn out better if I'm not too ambitious in setting those. I have to learn to be grateful and accept the fact that no one has a perfect life. Everyone has problems, and life would never work as if it complies with all your hopes and expectations; but at least trying has never been a bad option. Lastly, I need to regain my optimism. How? I think I need some time to refresh my mind, to do things I like, to eat tasty foods I've always been drooling at, or anything, to make sure that my stress level is reduced to nearly zero (you wish!). Haha.
As for the closing statement, I really had a great time watching The Amazing Spiderman 2. The best part was Gwen's speech, when she said: "What makes life valuable is that it doesn't last forever, what makes it precious is that it ends. And time is luck, so don't waste it living someone else's life, make yours count for something. Fight for what matters to you, no matter what. Because even if you fall short, what better way is there to live?". It was such an inspiration, and the thing we need to figure out next would be to define things that actually matter for us.
Good luck to you, and good luck to me.
Everything will get better, eventually :)
Wassalamualaikum wr. wb.